By Jason M.I
Columbia, South Carolina
I was a lost soul wandering in this material world. I remember thinking, ‘I can’t find my way home.’ I didn’t really know the deep meaning of this, but that’s what I used to think as I would lie in bed suffering throughout the darkness of day and night. Though wanting help, needing it, searching for it for years, I had nearly given up my efforts to find assistance along the way. It was then, at my lowest point that I came into contact with Srila Prabhupada’s books.
What a powerful experience it was for me reading the first book. A truly life changing event! Gone are the days and nights filled with depression, despair, and the deep darkness of ignorance. Now, my path illuminated with transcendental knowledge, I have an abiding inner peace and joy. By Srila Prabhupada’s boundless, causeless mercies, I am finding my way back home…back to Godhead. Jaya Srila Prabhupada! Hare Kṛṣṇa! Your humble servant,
—How Kṛṣṇa rescued an inmate on the brink of suicide—
By Dan G.
Grand Junction, Colorado
My life was crazy, something out of a Hunter S. Thompson book. Chaos is a word barely suitable but the closest of one-word descriptions. In every aspect of my life action brimmed to its fullest. Work, friendships, girlfriends, even leisure was a fireball of activity in a constant state of flux. I told myself I worked better under pressure, with as many pokers in the fire as I could grasp…and then a few. Add to this hectic lifestyle a strong pursuit of carnal pleasures and mind-altering substances and my life was a ticking time bomb; WAY out of control, but not a minute out of character. This was a recipe with which I was very familiar. Whipping it up many times in the kitchen of life, putting it in the oven, baking it at 350 degrees (most the time hotter) and every time the buzzer went off I woke up staring at the concrete walls of a 6×9 cell.
This time was the umpteen time and I swore to myself never to return. It was a pretty solemn oath, a firm oath, not just some fleeting thought of, “God, I’ll never do that again,” but a deep-rooted conviction that death would come before a return visit to this hell on earth. Nonetheless, somewhere during the baking process, the cake of disaster rose and the buzzer went off again.
The first few days I sat in disbelief, “this must be a dream.” Hell, everything else up to this point seemed like a dream too. Anger arose; “What the hell is wrong with the world, what is wrong with these cops, I am a victim of a complete societal breakdown.” Eventually that blaming anger wore off, and the exact nature of the events that got me there are well perhaps topics in a different story. Here, I am, wanting to describe how I came to Kṛṣṇa, that Beautiful Light at the end of the tunnel which made all the screwed up paths I took to get there worthwhile.
As I was saying, when the blaming anger wore off, there I sat in a cell with nothing but ME. It was not a pretty sight. Is this what life is about? If it is, @#&! it… I’m done, game over, let’s try this again from the beginning, hit the reset button, do over, I’m outta here. Well, as I sat a few weeks before sentencing, when I was told by my lawyer (although being a public defender I could hardly call her “my” lawyer) that I was sure to get the full six years of my presumptive sentence, my mind came back to that pact I had made. No way in hell am I gonna live like this for 6 years. Let’s just be done. I was upstairs in a small jail in solitary confinement where the jailers walked every couple hours at most. I sat miserably seeking exit from that room, not physical exit but an exit for the spirit whose departure was imminent. I found it. A long cord in the form of a twisted sheet tied through a hole of the unoccupied upper bunk. The other end around the neck of this wretched damaged body and spirit could easily, once the feet were off the floor, climb the rope, pass through the hole to which it was secured and from there concrete walls held no imposition to its travel.
So here I am looped up ready to go, shampoo bottle in hand to spread on the ground to dispel the traction of my feet which may still barely reach the floor, in case I changed my mind. Midstream, ready to go, I took one last look around the room and saw the open Bhagavad-gita, with the picture of Radha-Krishna. But wait; I jumped nearly to the end of my story and skipped the vital events leading here.
Prior to this event, sitting in that cell with nothing but me was probably, in retrospect, a good thing. I pretty much immediately took to meditation; although I didn’t know what I was doing, I sat quietly. I sat and sat and sat. I read every philosophical books in the small library a small town jail has to offer, which mostly consisted of Western thought; Kant, Hume, even early stuff of Plato, Aristotle, and the such. I even read the Confessions of Augustine. All of it was an exercise of the mind but really nothing more than dry speculation. It left me craving more. Through the vents of the jail I shared my thoughts and reflections with one of the other very few inmates in my block. One day he said, “I’ve had this book in my cell for a while you might want to read.” The next day on his hour out for a shower and phone call, he left it by the phone for me to pick up on my hour out. Back to my cell I brought with me the Bhagavad-gita As It Is.
I had heard about this book many times, or at least other translations, probably even read some of it, but this one was different. From the first page I read, a satisfaction filled my soul. Something instantly glued my attention. I couldn’t put it down. I read it a couple of times over and finishing it, I didn’t want it to end. I read every page from the copyright page to the “centers around the world.” Centers around the world? What…Denver? A phone number too? I called, “Dude from the Prison Ministry just walked by. I’ll give him your address.” Kṛṣṇa! A brief encounter set up by Providence. A week later a letter from Candrasekha Prabhu. An invitation to Sunday Feast. And more nutrition [books] for a starving soul. Was he serious? An invitation to Sunday Feast. Doesn’t he realize I’m doomed to incarceration? Staring at a sentence which I was sure I’d never finish before death. Still it was a warm sentiment, so I kept the invitation.
It didn’t seem possible, nor was it, entirely, but I tried to turn my attention from the circumstances at hand and focus on learning all I could about Kṛṣṇa consciousness. Candra and I corresponded, he sent me books. I read and asked questions. Slowly I began to learn a bit. Started chanting and spending my time in devotion instead of quiet meditation.
So I definitely felt an affinity for this lifestyle. Maybe it was only my preconceived notions of the “Hare Kṛṣṇas” of the 70’s or maybe it was my extreme hatred for this life and my desperate desire for a different one. A life of renunciation. A life in which I could turn my focus towards something besides my “self.” Forget the “needs,” “wants,” whatever of this body and act blissfully in devotion. Whatever it was it was enough to keep my attention. There was still misery. Every time I woke up or looked up from a book and saw myself in that 6×9 cell I was miserable. But then I began to chant. The holy names gave me peace. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was sure I was doing it all wrong. I thought the guards thought I was going crazy, destined for the loony bin instead of prison. But I could not deny the feeling of peace. Candra prabhu gave direction and I followed best I could. Progress was slow, if at all, but a growing conviction was born in me and I continued. I began to enjoy my solitary confinement. No distractions, no interference, only study time and devotion. I had pictures sent from Candra of Lord Nrsimhadev, Protector of the devotee. I was sure He would protect me too. I offered prayers, I offered a toothpaste cup full of water, I offered fruit and veggies from my tray. I humbly fell at His feet. And I began to feel a love in this devotion. It was a tainted love, a love so far from pure love of Godhead that I read about. But nonetheless a love. I prayed that this love be purified; I prayed that this love may grow. Still, this wretched self-centered body wanted relief. It found relief in devotion and so I selfishly pursued.
I never expected Kṛṣṇa to “save” me from going to prison. Although I thought of ways to ask that would not be so self-seeking I could never do it. I prayed only that I may serve. Deep down those things persisted. How many lives have I lived caring only for myself and so, so far away from Kṛṣṇa. From time immemorial! Those karmic strings don’t fall away easy. So, as I sat drawing close to sentencing I thought more and more of the end. I figured now that Kṛṣṇa has touched my lips certainly the next life will be better. I had read that attachment to “detachment” is still attachment, but the pain of being in this body won.
That fateful night as I twisted up a sheet I was torn up. Torn up! I was convinced the next body would be better; Kṛṣṇa would certainly give me birth, closer to Him. I made up my mind, and as I said, when I was ready to go, I looked around the room and the open Gita was open to a picture of Radha-Krsna. It was as if He spoke to me. Whether in my mind or whether He was sitting next to me I heard, “I give you a new body right now. Why go through the pain of birth again, and many years growing up before you can again speak My name. It doesn’t matter where you are, who you are, when you are, all you have to do is speak My name and I am there.”
I stopped, changed my mind, decided to live for devotion, pay the karmic dues this body has accrued and see what happens. I decided that all my life was a process to end up here, and I was right where I was supposed to be. I had fallen so far down, so far away from Kṛṣṇa, that drastic measures were needed for me to find the path back home. However, selfishly motivated the intentions were, I was given the chance to speak Kṛṣṇa’s name. How lucky. How fortunate. I decided that prison is not too different from a monastic life. I will use it as such, learning all I can, spending every minute to better myself and to serve Kṛṣṇa.
Oh, how so very far I am still away from home. How weak is this body and how unworthy of a servant I am, but even if it is only with one foot, I have at least found the path home and the other foot will follow. Hare Kṛṣṇa, Hare Kṛṣṇa, Kṛṣṇa Krsna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare.
By Bhavananda Dasa
Arkadelphia, Arkansas
It seems that my coming to Krishna has taken me my whole life. As I look back on all my wasted years I can see the many opportunities Krishna gave me to put my life together, that I let pass by.
My early years were spent as a military dependent living around the world. The choice in worshiping God was broken down into Jewish, Catholic or Protestant. By the time I was out of elementary school my parents had stopped taking me to the Protestant services. By high school I felt that void and started going back on my own. I was active in the church but there was something lacking. I was confused in the teachings and just couldn’t believe all I was being taught. I also couldn’t find a role model in the church to help direct my life. My life started spiraling downward. Living in Germany I had easy access to alcohol. Drinking became my main focus. I returned to the states to start college but didn’t last a semester in college before dropping out and joining the army. When I returned from Vietnam I decided to try college again. By this time I was drinking heavily and instead of making it to classes I spent my time in a local bar.
I had lost my faith in everything. Well, not quite everything, I still believed in God. I had no idea of how to worship God or anything about Him, but even as messed up as everything in the world seemed, I still believed there had to be a God. I had left Christianity behind and was becoming attracted to Zen Buddhism.
My first contact with Krishna devotees wasn’t a physical contact but a very memorable one. I was living in College Park, Maryland around 1972 and was in a bar trying to drink myself into oblivion. The TV was tuned into a program where the host would invite guests to his show and then proceed to make fools out of them. These strange looking people wearing sheets walked in as the next guests on the program. I didn’t follow a lot of what they were saying, some religious stuff, but what got my attention was that no matter how hard the program host tried he could not defeat the Krishna devotees. I said to myself, that these people may look strange but they are really fixed up in their beliefs and are undefeatable.
I returned to Arkansas in 1973. A friend from back East moved there too and we moved into the woods of the Ozarks in northern Arkansas. It was really primitive; a hand built shack with no plumbing or electricity and a small 2 men tent. He had brought a copy of the Bhagavad-gita with him. When he finished reading it he came to me and said he was only willing to talk to me about our survival or about Krishna. He believed that this philosophy was the truth and he was going to become a devotee. I’d go crazy without anyone to talk to, so I borrowed his Gita and started reading. I was just getting to the 18th chapter when he really started asking for the book back so he could study it more. I had been blown away by all that I had read and wanted to finish the last chapter, but could see how sincere he was in wanting to become a better devotee so I returned the Gita. Shortly after that he decided to go to a temple, so we loaded up the car and headed to Dallas.
This was my first actual contact with devotees. It was the summer of 1973 and the Dallas temple was very busy. My friend got shaved up and fit right in. I, on the other hand, wasn’t sure what I was doing. Being there was totally blissful and I do not remember being as happy anywhere else. But it just didn’t seem to be the place for me. After 4 days I returned to Arkansas. I was just too attached to the material world and all my pleasures. I had a job waiting, my parents were expecting me to come back and I just couldn’t give up my propensity for intoxication and women, but I did become a vegetarian.
From then on my spiritual life was a series of ups and downs. I returned to college to get a degree in forestry in the hope of getting a better paying job so I could afford to buy some land and live a simple life in the country. I went to work for the U.S. Forest Service. I believed I had found the truth about God in the Bhagavad-gita but wasn’t able to actually follow the teachings. Nevertheless, my perspective on reality had changed.
I didn’t really see another devotee until the latter 1980’s when I started occasionally going back to the Dallas temple. Things seemed to have changed at the Temple. There weren’t near as many devotees around and I was totally shocked to learn that Srila Prabhupada had left his body. I started sending money to the temple, trying to chant and read some of the many books I had purchased. One devotee I met traveled around teaching cooking classes and he used to stop at my house to rest from his travels. He taught me to cook and encouraged me by his association. I became a Life Member, but as time passed I stopped going back to the temple in Dallas. I met some devotees who lived in Missouri that had left ISKCON and I visited them off and on. I learned of a break in ISKCON and became totally confused as to what had happened.
As I moved from place to place I always kept Srila Prabhupada’s books with me. I knew these books contained all the knowledge I needed and they were my prized possessions. I had finally read all of the Gita but had never attempted to read Srimad-Bhagavatam or Sri Caitanya-caritarmrta. One day I would read them, when I could get my life together. I did tell everyone that in case of fire the only important thing to save was Prabhupada’s books.
Years passed and I continued my old ways. I had become successful in the material world but had not made any new progress spiritually. My senses and mind pulled me around and I just didn’t have the will power to say “no” to intoxication or women. Finally the Lord came to my rescue. I broke the law and went to prison. I had hit rock bottom.
When I first arrived in prison I had the good fortune to meet another devotee inmate, who gave me the address for the ISKCON Prison Ministry. I started writing Mother Shyama Priya for her association and that started a wonderful friendship both on a spiritual and personal level. The 2 years 7 months I was in prison was the Lord’s blessing on me. He took away all my attachments and provided me the time to chant and read Srila Prabhupada’s books. Of course trying to be a devotee in the Arkansas prison system was a real challenge. The prison units I ended up in didn’t seem to have any experience with vegetarians. But I kept up my vegetarian diet and got stricter on myself as time went on. Shyama Priya was of great help to me, sending japa beads and books to read. I got out of prison in February 2008. That August I made a trip to Alachua to finally meet Shyama Priya in person, and be able to go to the Temple. Then the following February I received my initiation, on my 60th birthday, from H.H. Hridayananda das Goswami.
Of course being out of prison has been difficult too. All the old attachments are now available once again. I have not met any devotees in Arkansas, but I have taken shelter of the Holy Names and my spiritual master. I’m retired with free time so I’ve started producing the IPM Freedom Newsletter as a service to others in prison. I bought a small house on a couple of acres in the country where I live alone living a simple life, chanting my rounds and reading Srila Prabhupada’s books.
I have been fortunate to be able to make a couple trips to the Dallas temple and get the association of the devotees there. I plan to continue those visits on a regular basis. These trips have resulted in a blessing for people in Arkansas. Several of the devotees I met in Dallas plan to come to visit me in Arkansas with the thought of being able to start some sort of a preaching program here. This is something greatly needed in Arkansas and I look forward to being part of it. It is all Krishna’s blessing and I am thankful to have this opportunity to serve our Lord and my spiritual master.
By Bhakta Jason M.
Columbia, South Carolina
It was in 1973 when I first came into contact with Kṛṣṇa’s pure devotees. I was five years old and traveling through the Frankfurt airport with my parents and older brother. In thinking back on the experience it’s really odd, in a way, that I remember it so clearly now, especially as it became covered by other experiences of conditional life and remained forgotten for some thirty-two years.
As a very inquisitive child I liked to explore and ask many questions of my parents and others around me. Therefore it was always necessary for either my mom or dad to hold my hand so I did not wander off into the environment. This occasion was no different. My eyes were darting around from one person to another. Looking up and down the airport corridors I was indeed enamored by all of the activity.
Then that moment came when I saw from a short distance these beautiful smiling people dressed in brightly colored robes, singing and dancing while playing musical instruments. Everything I had seen prior to seeing them had instantly paled in comparison. My little legs, as if automatically, began to take me toward these happy people. However with my ever-protective mother holding me firmly by the hand, I was restrained from taking off in a full run. Fortunately for me they were coming toward us, and as the type of child I was, a feeling of excitement filled my heart and mind.
The closer this small band of Kṛṣṇa’s surrendered servants came to me, the faster my heart beat, until they walked right past. I reached out to touch them, their sweet smelling robes gently flowing with the swaying movements of their bodies. They looked upon me smiling, singing and dancing as they traveled along. I then turned around, as if transfixed, my mother practically having to drag me the rest of the way through the airport.
Of course I began asking questions of my dear mother. ‘Momma, how come those people were so happy? Why were they singing and dancing? What were they singing, Momma? Why were they wearing those funny clothes? Momma, why did they have bald heads?’ Unfortunately, my precious mother could not answer any of my questions.
We soon boarded the plane for a transatlantic flight to the United States. South Carolina was our destination, and obviously once we reached it, the questions stopped. My focus shifted to the many activities of a normal little child growing up in a Western culture.
My parents were devout Christians and from early on in my childhood they instilled within me, as well within my older brother and eventually my younger brother, love of God. We went to church regularly. Every night we prayed together and both parents taught us to say our prayers in the name of Lord Jesus Christ. As a very close family we lived this way.
At age eight, as a Christmas present, I received my first Bible. I remember being so proud of it. It was dark blue, with a shiny zipper and my name was etched in gold letters on the front. I was instructed as to the meaning of the red letters and why there were different from the black ones. Each of my parents would take time individually to guide me in a proper study program, telling me to read only a verse or two at a time so as to meditate more deeply on why scripture I had studied. This, they said, would bring greater enlightenment.
Six years passed and as I advanced in my study of the Bible, questions filled my mind. In Sunday school I would ask questions of my teachers. They could not answer them, and at times, made me feel terrible for even asking them. I would ask my parents questions and when I could, I would also ask questions of the preacher. Everyone seemed to give me the same answers: ‘we do not know, we are not supposed to know, the Bible does not say, we are not supposed to ask why,’ etc. I grew frustrated and became more introspective. I wondered; “What does God look like? Where does He live? What does He do all day?” I wondered about the activities of His angels. I remember looking into the night sky, being bewildered in seeing so many stars, not knowing why.
By the time I turned fourteen my family had moved to an area about forty miles west of Charleston. It was a typical small town. Everyone seemed to have lived there their whole lives. And here I was, having lived on three different continents, trying to fit in. It turned out that it wasn’t that difficult, but in time the associations began to corrupt my Christian upbringing. Yes, we still went to church; however, as in the past, I found myself distant in not feeling spiritually satisfied within my heart and soul. Church became just another setting for socializing and not much else. Soon I became sexually active, began using drugs, and listening to heavy metal music that was popular during the 1970’s and 1980’s. Another six years went by, my becoming very much entangled in material life. Even with very loving and caring Christian parents to guide me, I felt lost. Moving from one experience to another, nothing truly satisfied me. Yes, there was a sense of temporary satisfaction in one way and then another, although I knew deep down there was more to life. There had to be! Unfortunately for me I just could not find out for myself what it was, and could not find the individuals to teach me what it was. I was missing the point, the purpose of my existence.
Then in March of 1989, while traveling to Florida, with a female companion, to witness a cousin exchange wedding vows, I was stopped for speeding by a police officer in another small southern town. This routine traffic stop turned into a nightmarish experience that has lasted some nineteen years. Without going into much detail, I soon found the individual who stopped me to be a very dangerous fellow. Upon our exiting the vehicle we both were assaulted. The female was sexually assaulted. For nearly six hours that night we suffered abuse at the hands of this lawless police officer, until he finally fell dead by actions of self-preservation.
Afterwards, the female and I fled the country due to fear and irrational thought. However, soon thereafter I made the decision to return to face whatever was to come. We both were arrested and charged with Capital Murder. We were facing the death penalty. Again, without going into detail, I received a life sentence with parole eligibility after thirty years. The sentence was handed down to me on September 6, 1989.
Upon entry into prison life I turned to drugs to numb the pain. The drug use, however, was not working. The pain and suffering permeated every liber of my being. It was not long before I got into trouble and placed into solitary confinement. There the days slowly passed and the nights seemed even more endless without the activities of eating, showering, and walking around the small fenced-in recreational area.
Then one night amidst the noise of individuals screaming and banging on their cell doors, I fell on my knees and cried out to God. Being extremely distressed I begged Him to help me. I begged for forgiveness. The Christian teachings my dear precious parents instilled within my heart as a child were coming to the surface. I remembered, though I had no fully forgotten, love of God.
About a month later I was released from solitary and transferred to another prison. I continued to pray as I had I solitary, but even so, the drug use continued. I was not ready to surrender my will unto God. In fact, I took up the additional sinful activity of running a small gambling operation. Prison life became routine and I made associations that seemed to make it more bearable. With a TV, radio, money, drugs, food and a wide selection of pornography I settled in to “do my time.”
Years passed as I tried to balance Bible study with my desires to enjoy the co-called comforts I had accumulated within my cell. It was not working and I knew it. God, His Supreme Spirit within my heart, was prompting me to give up the sinful activities. I cried and I prayed for help. My dear family walked with me every step of the way. They visited as often as they could, not at all abandoning me. I looked upon each of them, seeing the love of God they showed me even when I did not deserve it. I learned anew every time we visited that they wanted me to turn my life over to God.
In 1992, three years after I had been in prison, I gave up the drugs. A few months later I gave up the gambling. As a result Bible study became more structured and central in my life. Yet, I still did not give up the pornography, despite my making many efforts to do so. I read in the Bible to “flee youthful lusts,” but I would ask myself, where was I to flee when it was within me?
I could not tame this terrible enemy that tortured my mind by causing such agitation in my body. Then there was the issue of the anger I felt regarding how my case had been handled. Turning the anger inward I grew depressed, taking shelter in the sinful activity of viewing pornography. It was a vicious cycle I could not break, no matter how much Bible study I did or now earnest my efforts were. I even began running miles upon miles around the prison recreation yard. I worked out with weights, but nothing I did conquered these enemies of my mind.
I remember reading book after book espousing psychology in the form of self-help, conflict resolution, suicide prevention, etc. I studied some philosophy. I read the writings of many Christian authors. They all seemed to be saying a lot about different aspects of life, without any of them saying anything to actually assist me. Yes, I was learning along the way, though I still felt lost. I began visiting with a spiritualist and we talked about God, living for Him, that we are all His children, etc. But I just could not connect with what I was looking for. I branched out into other religions just to see if the answers were in the teachings they were propagating. I found none. Even the questions I had as a child resurfaced, with no answers.
In 1996 I was transferred to another prison, one that was closer to my family. My spiritual journey continued, though not without many personal struggles. Looking at the years go by, I saw my life as being empty and I grew more depressed.
In 1998 I took a job in the prison library and this seemed to help to some extent, especially as I had early on cultivated the practice of reading. Being in the library gave me more access to books and I appreciated this privilege. A few more months passed and as I was going through an incoming box of books I discovered a book entitled Bhagavad-gita, chapters 1 to 6, with commentary. Having never heard of it before, I picked it up and checked it out. Well, for the next two years I studied this edition, though not fully understanding all of it.
I wondered how many chapters there were to this book, as I had a desire to read t in its entirety. I read of the three gunas and how we were to be free of them. However I could not figure out how to do this. The commentary was kind of hard to follow so I debated on sending a letter to the address listed in the back, but never did. I just kept studying it, thinking how I would like to have a complete edition of this book entitled Bhagavad-gita.
Three more years passed and despite my own efforts to advance in spiritual life, a deep seated depression had me in its clutches. In the darkness of ignorance I was certainly in illusion. At this point I began contemplating killing myself. Even in light of the love my family and a few friends showed me, I was miserable. Prison life was destroying my desire to continue on. I reasoned with myself, ‘I’m going to die in prison anyway, why continue to live in these miserable conditions?’ I discussed this matter with my spiritualist friend, who had now been visiting me for some ten years. It was at this point that the topic of reincarnation came up. Yet in part because of my Christian upbringing not speaking of such a spiritual matter, and in part because I really did not care anymore, I quickly dismissed it.
My life seemed to continue going slowly nowhere. The fight to survive was intense. Then one night as I was making my rounds of book and magazine delivery I was offered two Back to Godhead magazines, along with Bhagavad-gita As It Is and Science of Self-Realization. By the grace of God my desire to have a complete copy of Bhagavad-gita had been satisfied. Even as I did not know exactly what I had, I knew in my heart of hearts I had just received something special. I returned to my room that night and looked through each one of these transcendental publications. I briefly read a passage out of the Gita. I looked at the Table of Contents to The Science of Self-Realization, along with looking at the pictures in the Back to Godhead magazines. I felt a happiness that I had never felt before. I really did not understand why, but I did.
The next day, however, reality of dwelling in this environment reminded me of the misery and suffering. My cell assignment [my cellmate] was hellish and because of this and everything else, I unfortunately could not find the strength to begin a thorough reading of any of these transcendental publications so I kept them tucked away.
Eighteen more months passed and I was finally able to get a cell reassignment. My new cellmate was a young fellow who seemed to care about others and he showed me this by trying to relieve me of my misery by putting me in contact with pen pals, prison correspondence programs, etc. He was very compassionate so I eventually decided to share those two Back to Godhead magazines with him. I told him, upon handing them to him, “There’s an address on the cover and you can write to them and they will write you back. They seem like good people.” Of course I did not know for sure that anyone would write back to him, but I just felt led to say it anyway.
A week later he wrote to ISKCON Prison Ministry in Moundsville, West Virginia. Well, on his birthday October 10, 2005 he received a package and I was standing next to him when he opened it. It contained Coming Back, Perfection of Yoga, two Back to Godhead magazines, the booklet On Chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa and other information. It was a truly amazing experience for both of us. We really could not believe our great fortune.
While my cell mate Shawn read the letter written by Kṛṣṇa’s devotee, Mukta Kesa Dasa, I picked up Coming Back as I had been unavoidably contemplating the spiritual impact of suicide, life after death, etc. Upon Shawn reading Mukta Kesa’s letter he shared it with me and I was immediately stunned by the great depths of spiritual knowledge he conveyed. It was the deepest letter I had ever read! I knew at that moment I had in fact found who and what I had been searching for during the past twenty-nine years.
That day I began chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa and over the next ten days realized truths that had remained covered for so long. I quickly, but very thoughtfully, read Coming Back and then Perfection of Yoga. I read the booklet, the BTG magazines, and the other information. I could not get enough of this profound philosophy of Kṛṣṇa Consciousness. Everything I needed was coming to me at the very lowest point in my life.
On October 22, 2005 I wrote a letter to ISKCON Prison Ministry. I shared a small portion of my spiritual journey and put forward a very respectful request to also receive some transcendental items. In a few weeks a package arrived. It contained a compact edition of Bhagavad-gita As It Is, Welcome Home, Teachings of Queen Kunti, two BTG magazines, and a Bhagavad-gita study course. The journey to become Kṛṣṇa conscious had begun, or rather reached another level. Over the next eighteen months Mukta Kesa Dasa showed me boundless mercies. He wrote twenty letters to me, sent me numerous transcendental publications, altar photographs, japa mala beads, bead bag, study courses—all with the topmost expert spiritual guidance that has bestowed upon me the most glorious gift of Kṛṣṇa consciousness.
And as I sit here finishing this story of how I came to Kṛṣṇa consciousness, tears are streaming down my face. The tremendous gratitude I feel within my heart is truly immeasurable. I am indeed eternally indebted to my beloved spiritual guide for it is he that very personally showed me how to get back home, back to Godhead. He freely shared with me this most sublime spiritual nectar that His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Srila Prabhupada ever so mercifully gave to this entire earth planet while he tirelessly traveled freely distributing Kṛṣṇa-prema, pure love of God.
For me, it has been a long journey filled with difficulty. Many times I felt like totally giving up, but now that I have become Kṛṣṇa conscious I am thankful that I did not. In receiving this torchlight of transcendental knowledge I do see now that God truly is our eternal well-wisher and is all auspicious in everything that He does. Yes, Kṛṣṇa is the greatest; there are none greater nor equal to Him. Kṛṣṇa is the Supreme Person to whom I humbly offer my loving devotion by humbly seeking to become a servant of a servant of a servant of His pure devotees. Jaya! Hare Kṛṣṇa!
By Bhakta Gordon
Salem Oregon
For so many years I was strung out on different chemicals thinking it was the way to cope with life and that it would bring me peace and joy. But I found out that it only gave me peace and happiness on a temporary level and the more I used the more I wanted. I was never satisfied. I was always looking for that quick thrill thinking I could find it I booze, sleeping around, partying, doing risky behavior or whatever else would be a turn-on. I was happy on the outside, but deep down inside my inner soul something was missing. So I decided to try out different religions, but none brought me any peace of mind or comfort until I came into contact with the Hare Krsna movement and since then I have experienced true joy and peace. I have a direction and purpose in my life. Not only do I feel peace and happiness on the outside, but I also feel that peace and happiness on the inside. That only this K.C. movement has given me along with devotee association and the reading of Prabhupada’s books and the chanting of the mantra:
Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare
Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare
By Bhakta Brad
Teague, Texas
I would like to tell you how I came to Kṛṣṇa. When I was sent to prison I began searching for my true original self and sought to find myself in the Bible and later in the Qur’an. I kept reading about other faiths as well and read some books on the history of Hinduism and wrote down some quotes from the Holy Scriptures. I loved those books. I desperately wanted to read the Bhagavad-Gita, but could not find one, finally one day I met a fellow inmate who happened to be from India and he gave me the address for ISKCON and I wrote to them and they sent me many wonderful books, in fact I received a letter from you, I think that was in 2005. I have continued studying the Bhagavad-Gita and chanting the holy name of God every day. I also started the Bhagavad-Gita course. I have been spending a great deal of time reading and studying. I am pleased with how my quest is progressing. I don’t know what my life would be like without Kṛṣṇa now and I am very thankful that I found ISKCON and became aware of Kṛṣṇa and His purpose for my life. Thank you again for your kind letter.
By Bhakta Gerald
Graceville, Florida
Although I was born in 1956, I was never anything more than remotely aware of Kṛṣṇa. A long time ago, in a prison chapel, a Christian prisoner burst in with George Harrison’s “My Sweet Lord” on cassette tape. The prisoner made his case against demonic lyrics in rock music as subliminal psychological manipulation, when he suddenly announced, “Aha! Listen to this!” and proceeded playing the tape so the background singers suddenly changed from “Hallelujah” to “Hare Kṛṣṇa”. We had all loved that tune and sung along. We were all guilty of sin and going to burn in hell!
Decades later, in prison in Florida, I met a man named Carl who had been a Kṛṣṇa devotee for many years before his incarceration, and remained so. He gave me the maha-mantra and told me it was like pudding; that I could taste it merely by chanting it. So I went to my cell and chanted the mantra. As I chanted, I realized who God is. It blew my Christian mind of 50 years of what I later learned in reading Srila Prabhupada’s books to be the thinking of Mayavadis. I realized I had been deceived and deluded, but suddenly simply by chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa my life could truly be sublime, and it has been ever since. Haribol!
I thank Kṛṣṇa for His causeless mercy and for letting me find the sweetness of His pudding.”
By Saleem Muhmmaud
Hare Krishna. My name is Saleem Muhmmad and when I first wrote to this address I was in a mess. Loneliness was slowly killing me. I told myself I would end it all soon. I was searching for a painless way. When I received my first letter from you, my pain was almost unbearable. All I could feel was an emptiness from the loss of my mother/father and never having any siblings.
Being in and out of group homes and foster homes, I don’t even know my real family. I can’t buy the things I need to care for myself and my anxiety level was sky high. I read your first letter and then wrote back. Every time I felt lonely I read your letter. Every time I felt down I read your letter. It felt good to be acknowledged. Whenever anxiety would attack me I read your letter. In that way your letter provided me with a weapon to combat the enemy forces attacking my every senses on every level.
How could I know what was in store for me. Though I didn’t know it the war had begun. After few more letters I requested Bhagavad-Gita and you granted my request. Thereupon I was given my marching orders to stand up and fight the enemy forces attacking my mind—like Arjuna I was bewildered by my pain. I started chanting every time I felt knowledge leaving my body.
Bhagavad Gita is now my everyday blessing. I received this blessing anew each [time] I read any of the pages. In this you saved my life. But much more, on the cover, Arjuna is being lead into war by Krishna. Arjuna stands for us. The war is life, Krishna is controlling the horses. The horses are like the mind they must be controlled by someone who can master them, Krishna can do this very nicely. Arjun’s pain is for people actually going AGAINST Krishna. They have already lost the war and know it not. They are people number among the many who are under the influence of their imagined world. They are influenced by so much nothingism. They work very hard but are receiving more nothingism! Nothigism is a word I made up; this is where I am at with the Bhagavad-Gita As It Is. I have not finished reading it for I must go very slowly.
I have read the Science of Self-Realization, I understand that I was unconscious. There was absence of meaning in my life, emptiness and no worth. Had you not wrote me I would not be here today writing echoes of my thoughts. And you would not be reading this letter.
You are not alone either. There is a part of me there reading this letter with you……This is what happened to me.
Before I had Srila Prabhupada’s books in my life, my life was haunted by my past, the ghost of loneliness took control of all my senses, and loneliness haunted all my memories. Once the center for all my memories had been taken over by loneliness, senselessness became my companion.
Srila Prabhupada has put an end to the haunting of this body. He has set my mind free from my companion senseless who had taken up residency in my mind, heart and covering of soul. Srila Prabhupada has put eyes in my head, knowledge in my mind and given me life. Before coming into contact with Srila Prabhupada I was dead but Srila Prabhupada has given me a life. Srila Prabhupada has given my life a family. The IPM family is much better than my first family I was born with. Through Srila Prabhupada I was reborn into family of devotees. Thank you Srila Prabhupada. Hare Krishna.
By Bhakta Gary G.
Salem, Oregon
It was Berkeley, California, December 1989; I was 17 years old and helping my aunt with her business and the seasonal sales boom. It was there on Telegraph Avenue, just blocks from the Stuart Street temple, that I first met devotees. At first I had as many questions about what their bright blue drum was made of and why they were dressed like they were, as I did about the books they carried. After a brief conversation they invited me to the Sunday program at the temple. I was none too thrilled that even though I had a handbill detailing exactly where the temple is and when I planned to be there, my aunt was about as ready to let me run off to the Krishna temple as she was to let me go hang out with the winos and dope fiends in the red light district. So, needless to say I didn’t find out what a “halavah good time” Sunday feast and darshan is that December. But I got a taste of another sort of nectar: Param Guru’s books.
I came away from my first meeting with ISKCON devotees with copies of the Science of Self-Realization and The Higher Taste for not much more than I spent daily on espresso. I was already vegetarian but The Higher Taste broadened my horizons and Srila Prabhupada blew my mind with The Science of Self-Realization. I’d never read anything like it. When I got home, my mother pointed out that she had the Krishna Book in her bookshelf. I thumbed through Kṛṣṇa Book but it was too surreal for me at 17. However, I drank in The Science of Self-Realization and loved it.
I continued to meet devotees all across America for the next few years while I did my Vagabond thing. Quite like the “gypsies, tramps, and thieves” Cher once sang of, my friends and I made it our quest to see as many Grateful Dead concerts as possible, and we never failed to run into devotees who always shared with us at least Prabhupada’s books. Though it was only when I was going to college in Eugene, Oregon that I first actually spent time with devotees – both at the temple and simply around town. But despite feeling drawn to Krishna Consciousness like a salmon is drawn to its birthplace, I was hesitant. I didn’t want to take initiation until I knew I could keep the vows and not disgrace my guru. I feel embarrassed to have known devotees as long as I have and still lived like I have. Yet if it weren’t for all my mistakes, I wouldn’t have made the advancement I have. And while I know I’m hardly advanced, I’m not the same person I once was. I feel much like a fly who still has an attraction for his familiar dung pile but prefers the company of his honeybee friends, sipping sweet nectar with them, to spending time at the dung pile with other flies. One of my best friends in this world lives exactly two blocks from the Berkeley temple. When I lived there with her I went to mangala arati most mornings, Sunday programs, chanted16 rounds a day, and things were good. But alas, I dragged my heels and put up such resistance that Krishna just kept giving me what I wanted. Eventually I let my foolish desires send me to prison for auto theft, robbery, and drug charges. And for that I feel very stupid because I love singing bhajans and kirtan and I’ve known tremendous bliss in Krishna Consciousness. I knew better. The worst crime I ever committed was forgetting God.
I was raised in a somewhat open minded Christian household, the second of four children. My father was a Master Chief in the Navy. It was my mother, the English teacher, who was the free thinking, open minded one (she actually went to the temple with me one Sunday when she was visiting me before she died). I went to Catholic school in the late 70s and early 80s when we lived in Japan because English was my only language. However, I was brought up in the Baptist church and made to attend Sunday services until the 11th grade. Although I’d realized there are very few Christians like Francis of Assisi and many more like Jimmy Swaggart, I didn’t eloquently talk my way out of it.
I got a weekend job at a grocery store. Though my parents were mostly concerned with teaching me the value of a dollar and the importance of hard work, I am my mother’s son and I had access to her bookshelves. I wandered through her books for most of my high school years. It was Jack Kerouac’s Dharma Bums that got me to read the Dhammapada of the Buddha, which led me to a little book by Eknath Easwaran called The Mantram Handbook, as well as Christopher Isherwood’s biography of his guru before Alan Watts shifted my view to the East for real. And once the kindling wood was burning, I met ISKCON devotees who heaved logs on the fire that still burns today.
I was rudderless and adrift and reeling out of control after my mother and my little sister died. I needed something, Drugs and beautiful women weren’t genuinely making me feel better. It was a cool, grey spring morning when I realized the magnitude of things I’d been pondering. I stepped out onto the porch and opened Bhagavad-Gita to chapter 2. After ruminating some on not lamenting for the living or the dead and the soul’s journey from body to body, I started to get lost in thoughts and memories of my mom and my sister. It was then that a devotee strolled up, said hello and introduced himself before adding something like, “I notice you’re reading Bhagavad-Gita.” We spent the rest of the morning talking about everything from Bhagavad-Gita to Bob Dylan to big losses to bhakti. I know, there are people out there who’ll say it was coincidence, I lived two blocks from an ISKCON temple. But I believe otherwise.
Devotees walked by quite regularly, often while I read the Gita. And though I’d spoken to devotees at the University and on the avenue, no one ever stopped at my house before. I knew right then, knew it in my bones, that this Krishna I’d been doubting and dodging, while feeling simultaneously attracted to, for so long, was as real, and tangible, and omnipresent as oxygen. It was shortly thereafter that I began going to the temple. I remember the first time I walked in. My paisley purple corduroys and my Peruvian sweater stood out like psychedelic Day-Glo in the Louvre. And though I wasn’t physically dirty, I felt like an unwashed peasant who’d just stepped into the throne room of a king. I don’t know exactly what I expected. I didn’t think I’d be thrown out but I had rehearsed how I would answer when asked, “Why have you come here?” The warm welcome and subsequent explanation of what was going on was a pleasant surprise to say the least. Everyone was so gracious and kind to me. The music in the temple setting hooked me. I felt something so powerful I can’t begin to explain it with these clumsy word symbols. I remember thinking, “Why did I wait so long to come?”
At the end of the discourse I felt almost like I was being asked directly, “Any questions?” But I wasn’t ready to speak. I was still soaking it all in; the music, the undeniable truth, the logic, the science of it all. By the end of the evening I felt more at home than I could recall having ever felt.
One of the hugest obstacles I’ve had to deal with is my unwillingness to “take the plunge” and jump into something other than the comfortable and familiar. I tend to put a toe in, then sit on the edge and splash my legs in the water before easing in; not often do I just dive in with abandon. I’m reminded of a W.H. Auden quote, “We would rather be ruined than changed.” I owe a great debt to the devotees of ISKON Prison Ministry all over America for essentially telling me, “Come on in, the water is fine,” and encouraging me to do what I’ve known for years ( somewhere deep inside) I’d eventually do—fully immerse myself in Krishna Consciousness. Thanks to ISKCON Prison Ministry, I have a copy of Bhagavad-Gita As It Is and many other books. I regularly receive Back to Godhead magazine, and though my view is often obscured by bars (I’m currently incarcerated at the Oregon State Penitentiary) inside my cell I have photos of the Deities, from Berkeley to Boston, and Moundsville to Mayapur.
If not for the kindness for everyone at ISKCON Prison Ministry and the local devotees who came in for kirtan in the penitentiary chapel, prisoners like myself would be hard pressed to taste the nectar of Krishna Consciousness behind these steel bars and concrete walls. I’d like to express my gratitude to everyone who continues to help me in my journey. Hare Krishna!
By Bhakta Gerald N.
Daytona Beach, Florida
As a child in Sunday school, singing “Jesus Loves Me, Yes I Know”, I was soon taught who Jesus was, but even as a little kid I’d wonder how I could possibly know Jesus loved me. As a teenager I was in a building I wasn’t supposed to be in, and got trapped in the bathroom. The door wouldn’t open! I prayed, “Jesus, get me outta here and I’ll never come back into this building!” The door then easily opened and I felt awed. Then, at a Christian church, two associate pastors knelt with me at altar call and I cried, begging for baptism of the Holy Spirit, whatever that meant. Nothing happened anyway.
In adulthood I turned a Quaker, appreciating silent meetings for worship, speculating on who God is, but never knowing.
Years later, doing life in prison, I read a book about hatha yoga and began practicing. That resulted in physical benefits. Then I took a Gita course, but got nothing out of it. It was so impersonal. I corresponded briefly with Kṛṣṇa devotees out of Toledo. They sent me a Gita course. I used the impersonalist Gita to complete it and understood nothing. The devotees responded that Kṛṣṇa Consciousness is an exact science and my answers were incorrect. So I didn’t bother with that nonsense anymore!
I turned 50 doing life in prison and hatha yoga, not even particularly seeking God. I met a man named Carl Sheppard. He said he’d been a devotee of Kṛṣṇa for 25 years. He gave me the maha mantra and told me it was like pudding—taste it for myself. So alone in my cell, I read from the paper a half dozen times:
Hare Kṛṣṇa Hare Kṛṣṇa / Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama / Rama Rama Hare Hare
As I read these words softly aloud, I realized two simple truths: Kṛṣṇa is the Supreme Personality of Godhead and I am not this body. It is the constitutional position of my soul to serve Kṛṣṇa, to always remember Him.
I cannot explain how these thoughts dawned in my mind, except now I realize it is by the mercy of God, the God I never knew as a Christian for 50 years.
I realize Christianity is a very nice thing, and that a person claiming to be Christian should love God, live the faith. But for me, I never realized who God is until I chanted Hare Kṛṣṇa. Only then did my life suddenly become sublime. Bhakta Carl shared Srila Prabhupada’s books with me and Back To Godhead [magazine], and gave me excellent instructions. In the course of time I had many questions and much criticism, and at one point gave Carl back the japa beads and the Gita he had given me. Then Bhakta Carl was transferred, as was I, to different prisons. By then I’d begun correspondence with devotees who answered questions and sent literature. These devotees served Kṛṣṇa within ISKCON Prison Ministry. As donations enabled them, they would send materials to further my spiritual development.
At Graceville Correctional Facility, Mother Shyama Priya and other devotees were enabled to send CD’s, DVD’s, and many of Srila Prabhupada’s books, even an entire set of the beautiful Srimad-Bhagavatam!
Daru Brahma Das began monthly four-hour round trips to associate with us. He gave lots of good instructions. Gave us? Yes, a Buddhist was converted and became Bhakta Mike, a steady devotee, and Brother Frank was always there in support. All this while I read and learned more about Kṛṣṇa. Then I was transferred. I’m glad to know Daru and Bhakta Mike and Brother Frank carry on the Kṛṣṇa program at Graceville C.F..
At Tomoka C.I. the chaplain had never heard of Kṛṣṇa, but immediately put a “Hare Kṛṣṇa Meeting” on the chapel schedule for an hour a week. Mother Shyama Priya passed away, and Mother Bhakti-lata Dasi stepped in to continue the huge undertaking of ISKCON Prison Ministry [IPM]. She and other devotees soon saturated this prison with CD’s and tapes and Srila Prabhupada’s books. A few inmates attend each week, which seems average in Florida prisons.
After three years of Kṛṣṇa consciousness, I don’t know very much, I learn about spiritual development from the kind people of IPM who ensure the mercy of God is available in these deepest recesses of society. Srimad-Bhagavatam, Bhagavad-Gita As It Is, Sri Caitanya-Caritamrta, and the Nectar of devotion and the Kṛṣṇa Books are some of Srila Prabhupada’s books I find most helpful.
Kṛṣṇa consciousness is an eternal alternative for prisoners who otherwise eat meat, smoke cigarettes, gamble, and perform homosexual acts. But Kṛṣṇa really does put such stuff to shame. Kṛṣṇa Himself was born in a prison. Every prisoner should taste the pudding of the maha mantra and know God and themselves.
By Bhakta Carl S.
Chipley, Florida
Thanks to the role played by my bighearted older brother Jerry, who convinced me, in very short order, to take the leap and start on my pilgrimage, the day I became a vegetarian is indelibly etched into me.
Meat Was Everywhere
I was raised in the South, in a meat-and-potatoes home where nearly every dish had some kind of animal product in it; from navy beans with ham hocks to collard greens with fat back. As a boy, not knowing any better, I had feasted with delight on all those dishes, with no regrets at all. However, Jerry, who was the hippie-minded, counter-culture, black sheep member of the family, began at some point to question our diet, much to our parents’ dismay. He stopped eating some of our thrice-daily fare. Unfortunately, before I came to know the reasons behind his rebellion, he ran away from home, both to escape the repressive parents-always-know-best atmosphere in our home, and to find his own way, I was only ten then, Jerry was sixteen: it was to be many years before he was heard from again.
I went on in my carnivorous ways. Right up to and into the Air Force, I went on eating meat whether it was served by my parents or obtained on my own. My first AF duty station was in Texas where the motto is “cattle is king” (although cattle are of course the slaves); so a night at the steakhouse was a regular affair. Then, at the age of twenty, I received a hardship discharge to go home and help my family through some rough waters.
A Life-Changing Phone Call
So I was back in my home town, living with my younger brother, just a few blocks from the house I’d grown up in, when the phone rang one day. To my great surprise, I heard the voice of long-lost brother Jerry. He had been living in Puerto Rico, and now, on his way to Hawaii, was on layover at the local airport. I talked him into extending his layover for several days and was soon on my way to the airport.
The person I saw at curbside did not look like the crewcut kid that I had known; he looked like traditional pictures of Jesus, but with wire rimmed glasses, yoga pants, and a white cotton pullover shirt. He looked very mellow–and believe me, he was just that. Back at my house, after we’d caught up on some family news, he began to tell me of his adventures after leaving home. He had made his way to Montreal, Canada, where he had met up with and spent considerable time with Hare Krishna devotees. He had not become a full-fledged follower, but had read some Vedic texts and had become a vegetarian.
A New World Opens
He then began what I thought of as preaching at me (though now I see it as teaching me) about the bad karma of a meat-based diet. These ideas were all so new, and involved so huge a change, that I hesitated. He told me I needed to read the Bhagavad-Gita. I found it [not As It Is] at the local library, and spent the next two days absorbing what it had to say about the pitfalls of the only style of diet I knew. It told me that “The humble sages, by virtue of true knowledge, see a learned and gentle clergyman, an outcaste from society, a cow, an elephant, and a dog as spiritual equals” (5:13), in that they are all eternal souls trapped in different, temporary bodies. “Wow! What a concept,” I thought. “I’m no better than a cow–what right do I have to kill and eat one?”
Now, I had been raised a Christian, and there is an expression of this concept in the Bible—“For the fate of humans and of animals is the same…They all have the same breath, and humans have no advantage over the animals….” (Eccl. 3:19) Yet the nuns and priests who gave me twelve years of education, and who also dined on the beasts, had never pointed out the significance of this verse to me. My brother (and the Gita) also spoke of the law of karma. This idea of receiving the consequences of our acts also appears in the Bible—“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.” (Gal. 6:7) But I had failed to get that picture too. Jerry taught me about the cruelty inherent in a meat-based diet, which certainly made my karmic debt seem like one I wouldn’t be very eager to pay off! But he also explained about the great nutritional value of a meat-free, plant based diet.
Buying the Past
So, after a good deal of soul-searching, on a day now twenty-eight years past, I made the leap: no more eating of flesh. My brother congratulated me on my decision with a heartfelt hug, and then told me it was time to get all the “dead bodies” out of my house. First, he said, all “flesh products” would come out of the refrigerator and onto the kitchen table. Some were obvious: pork chops, hamburger. Other items surprised me: the yellow rice had chicken powder; the chili had beef powder; they too had to go. On and on we went, until most of my groceries were in the pile. Just when I thought we were done, Jerry opened the fridge for one last look. Out came the mayonnaise and the eggs. “Eggs?” I said, “They’re not meat.” “They’re liquid chickens,” said my brother, which ended the debate.
“Now”, I said “what are we gonna do with all this food? Shall we call Dad and give it to him?”
“No, we don’t want the bad karma….Well, what do most people do with dead bodies?”
The answer was obvious, but I didn’t get it. He continued,
“What are graveyards for?”
That one I couldn’t miss, flabbergasted though I was. We carried all the corpses into my back yard, got a shovel, and began to dig a deep grave. Everything culled from my fridge went in, and as we covered it all up, Jerry told me that if I prayed to Lord Krishna for forgiveness, and if I did not kill to eat again, I would also have buried my accumulation of meat-related karma as well. I had a great sense of cleansing, and felt so happy. The burial seemed like a most appropriate ritual to seal the occasion. The teaching was indelibly etched on my heart.
Gratitude
In the following twenty-eight years I have never once reconsidered my decision. I feel a debt of gratitude I cannot repay to my brother, to the Gita, and most importantly, to the Lord, for He is ultimately the cause of all causes. I often tell the story to others, using my brother’s colorful language of “dead bodies” and “liquid chickens.” I felt honored when I was invited to share my pilgrimage.
By Brad C.
When I was sent to prison I began searching for my true original self and sought to find myself in the Bible and later in the Qur’an. I kept reading about other faiths as well and read some books on the history of Hinduism and wrote down some quotes from the Holy Scriptures. I loved those books. I desperately wanted to read the Bhagavad-Gita, but could not find one, finally one day I met a fellow inmate who happened to be from India and he gave me the address for ISKCON and I wrote to them and they sent me many wonderful books I have continued studying the Bhagavad-Gita and chanting the holy name of God every day. I also started the Bhagavad-Gita course. I have been spending a great deal of time reading and studying. I am pleased with how my quest is progressing. I don’t know what my life would be like without Kṛṣṇa now and I am very thankful that I found ISKCON and became aware of Kṛṣṇa and His purpose for my life.
By Bhakta Ben
Allow me to share with you how I came to become a bhakta. I am sitting in a cell, awaiting trial for a capital death penalty case. And in all honesty, I may very well spend the rest of my life on Death Row. But that does not hold the anxiety for me that it once did. Allow me to share with you what changed in my thinking.
In 2006, a friend of mine in the Arizona State Prison System sent me a Prisoner’s Resource List, and as I looked it over I saw an address for ISKCON Prison Ministry [IPM]. For some reason I was attracted to it, but I did not know why. As I look back, I can tell you that Kṛṣṇa attracted me, as He is all-attractive!
The first thing I learned was that I was not this body, but that I was a spirit soul (Bhagavad Gita 2.13). I was like, “Whoa! This is some far out stuff, man!” But the more I thought about it, it started to make sense. Kṛṣṇa was dissipating this illusion that was darkening my eyes. I came to the conclusion eventually that if once I am done with this body, I would move on to another one. What is the point of allowing myself to become so distressed over facing what I was facing? So my first lesson was that I am not this body. What a revelation!
I flipped through the Gita, reading things that caught my interest. This verse jumped out at me like a flashing star: “Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear.” Wow! “Do not fear.” Kṛṣṇa tells me that He would deliver me from all of my sinful reactions. But He also told me that I should surrender unto Him. And as we all know, surrendering ourselves to anyone is not the easiest of things to do. It was a fearful thing to do – surrender all of my convict pride, and bow down to God. But He knows that it is hard. He said, “ma sucah”. Do not fear or worry. And that is what I was doing, fearful of letting someone else run my life. But hey, where is the need for the fear, I wasn’t running it well at all! I ran it into the ground. Kṛṣṇa knew that, so He said, “ma sucah”! Where is the fear?
I am now chanting 15 rounds of the maha mantra, and will be bumping it up one more very shortly. Where’s the fear? I surrendered it to Kṛṣṇa. Why? Because the Supreme Personality of Godhead told me, “ma sucah”! I am no longer at the helm of my life. Lord Kṛṣṇa is running it. I won’t lie to you and say it is all gravy, no; maya tries to trip me up from time to time. I am relying upon Lord Kṛṣṇa to give me the strength. And you know what? He is giving it to me. And I use it to do devotional service. Why? Because I love Him! I came across a beautiful prayer that Lord Caitanya prayed. Allow me to share it and it will touch your heart! “I know no One but Kṛṣṇa as my Lord, and He shall remain so even if He handles me roughly by His embrace, or makes me broken-hearted by not being present before me. He is completely free to do anything and everything, for He is always my worshipful Lord, unconditionally.” (Sri Siksastaka, verse 8)
Man! Doesn’t that prick your heart? I want to be able to lay claim to this prayer some day! Unconditionally!!! Can you feel the love there? No matter how I live or die, I want to be able to glorify Kṛṣṇa through all the happiness and joy and through all the aches and pains. All I want to do is serve Kṛṣṇa no matter what! Hare Kṛṣṇa Hare Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare. As you read these 16 words with me, I thank you for the kirtan!
I thank you for taking the time to read this. It is all true! After all, Kṛṣṇa is Truth! We are part and parcel of Him. I ask you not to just take it lightly, this ISKCON, also known as the Kṛṣṇa Consciousness Movement, is Lord Kṛṣṇa reaching out to you. Won’t you come home with me? Come on, let’s go back home to Godhead. Ma sucah. Your lowly servant.
By Sarva Laksmi Mayi
[The following is a letter to Candrasekhara dasa from an inmate who had found one of Srila Prabhupada’s books in the prison. After finding the book and contacting the Prison Ministry, Sarva Laksmi Mayi (then Maureen), started chanting japa, reading every day and preaching to other inmates. She desired initiation and Bir Kṛṣṇa Swami, gave her Harinam Initiation.]May 8, 2003
Dear Prabhu,
Please accept my humble obeisances and respects.
All glories to Srila Prabhupada’s lotus feet.
My dear Prabhu, please sit down, do not read this letter standing up or you may pass out. Yes, by your mercy and Candramauli Swami’s prayers I met Bir Kṛṣṇa Swami. It was so wonderful. We chanted japa, talked of the Supreme Lord and his glorious pastimes, and I even sang him my own special song, “The Yogi of my Mind”. He told me he was very glad he came and he could see that I was Kṛṣṇa conscious. During the visit he asked about my release. I humbly told him that I had a 90-year sentence. I only had one chance for parole and it wasn’t likely that I would make it. In essence, I had 25-flat years left in prison, but I told him I was very happy and would utilize the prison as paraphernalia in the service of the Lord. I also told him I got a time cut, 6 years ago, but it was denied by the Governor, because of my crime. But it was OK, because I don’t ask for release, I only ask for pure devotional skills. That’s all I want wherever I am at. Well Maharaja said, “We have to get you in a temple. I believe Kṛṣṇa will let you get out of here.” So it was a very nice visit and I returned to my room and chanted in ecstasy very happily.
The next day the authorities called me to the front office and handed me a brown envelope and said “Open it.” I didn’t think it was anything important, so I haphazardly opened it. Enclosed was an official document from the Governor saying he grants me a clemency and cut 50 years off my sentence! I floated back to my room, the paper was on my bed and I noticed the date on it. The date the Governor signed it and granted the pardon was Monday April 28th, the same day Maharaja spoke his desire to see me out. As I looked at the date I thought “You must have faith in Radha-Kṛṣṇa and guru”, these were the exact words Maharaja wrote me in his last letter, right before he visited. I cried and laughed and felt Kṛṣṇa’s grace very clearly in my tiny room. So now, I do not have to go to a parole board at all. I am suddenly being released instead, in July or August. I’m serious, 50 years cut off my sentence! I feel it is a miracle. I was told Governor Foster could not sign or give clemency to me, that it was denied. But suddenly Kṛṣṇa turned it all around.
Prabhu, Kṛṣṇa is beautiful and has eyes that are blooming like lotus petals, His figure of beauty is tinged with the hue of blue clouds, His unique loveliness charms millions of cupids. I am a simple devotee, an ant, yet Kṛṣṇa has given His causeless mercy so easily. I am so undeserving, compared to all the swan-like devotees; I have nothing to offer Kṛṣṇa but love and service. I am so happy, but I do know that all of this has transpired because of the mercy of the devotees, you, Candramauli Swami and Bir Kṛṣṇa Maharaja. Now, in a few months, I walk out, no parole board! I get double good time, so 40 years automatically turns into 20 years, which I have done! It’s amazing how Kṛṣṇa reciprocates. I can’t go to the temple right away, because I have to be gainfully employed and I still report to a parole officer for 20 years. It’s all up to Kṛṣṇa, He is the puppet master, I am a puppet, if He says dance, I dance. Maharaja said my service would be to write and to teach yoga classes at the temple. I am a step-aerobics instructor so; it’s easy to do exercise class for me.
We are all puffed up at times, but by Kṛṣṇa’s mercy He allows bad qualities to somehow evaporate and good qualities to replace bad ones. Prabhu, I am sweating in 98 degrees inside our building, everyone is suffering. The material body is so full of misery, but due to Kṛṣṇa’s mercy I am happy, even in this conditioned life. We can be transcendental to it.
I’m going to New Orleans, somewhere to a halfway house. So at least I will be able to worship at the temple and go to festivals, until I can get permission to go either to Chicago or North Carolina.
Your humble servant, Sarva Laksmi Mayi